Posted by: Kingsguru21 | June 22, 2009

Vetting Hyperbole for Hyperbole’s sake

I had a thought walking to 7-11 today. (Only one. I didn’t want to hurt myself too much with the NBA draft coming soon.) What if I compared players in the 2009 draft to the 2003 draft! I mean, wouldn’t that be so much fun?

LeBron James? Ricky Rubio! (They’re all hype.)
Dwyane Wade? Jonny Flynn! (Overrated resume and overrated tournament run. Also, he wasn’t very high on mock drafts until draft time.)
Darko Milicic? Brandon Jennings! (He works out so well, but didn’t do shit in Europe.)
Chris Bosh? (Umm, I’m struggling, but I’ll use Tyreke Evans.)

I also saw a guy with a pink t-shirt, some wierd multi-colored shorts and a hot pink mohawk walking with a bunch of pre-school kids. In fact he was talking to a woman, and she wasn’t hitting him with her purse. I took that to mean that she wasn’t totally appalled by his appearance. (But, trust me, it is appalling.)

I also saw an Asian lady (or she kinda looked that way–you only get a good look for a few seconds and the rest of it I like to fill in gaps) smoking a cigarette driving a royal blue BMW. She sort of looked like the Joker. You know, with the permanent smile. Not with all the ghastly retarded looking white makeup.

I also wondered what would have happened if Heath Ledger has not committed suicide. Personally, I would have hoped he would have gotten weird and gone into the Arkansas hills, moved into Bill Clinton’s old house, and had sex with an Arkansas yuppie. Mostly I wish he hadn’t shot himself.

I also wonder why people tell jokes that go like this: “If you had Satan, Hitler, Dick Cheney or Saddam Hussein in a room, which one would you shoot?” Why? Because I wouldn’t shoot any of them. I’d drop a nuclear bomb if I had a weapon of choice. Maybe I’m weird that way.

(In case you hadn’t gotten the point, hyperbole is great when you’re talking about hype. It does little for talking about what actual prospects do for actual teams on the court when they work out. That is, after all, the point. Good day.)

But, if that isn’t enough, just watch this link. I love this video. The song is awesome too.


  1. Hey, you forgot Melo!
    Who would be Carmelo Anthony? Stephen Curry (great shooter but poor defender)?

    • You’re right I did. But, I wasn’t being serious anyway. I needed to vent for a moment about things that have no reasonable or apparent connection to each other.

      • Neither was I (serious). But you have to be “unserious” in a complete manner!

        • Yes sir Mr dumb Italian ciao man!

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